The Narrow Roads

We live in a world where we allow others to measure our worth. We are either told our worth or we are shown our worth. Some people do show us that we have value and that we are an important part of their lives. Those are the relationships we hold near and dear to our hearts. However, there are people who use us and show us that we have verry little value and that we have no worth, especially without them. Some of us are more prone to those relationships than healthy ones.

This blog is inspired by my great Aunt Frony. I was thinking about her this morning. She died a few years ago in a nursing home close to where I live. She used to live about an hour and a half away from me growing up. We would go and see my other great aunt and great uncle, who lived next door to Aunt Frony. They took care of her, because she was mentally ill. Back then mental illness was very hush hush, so we really didn’t know that was what was wrong with her. They took the best care of her they could, because no one really knew how to take care of people like her. They loved her and made sure she had everything she needed. I remember walking over there to see her every time we went to visit my aunt and uncle. My parents were very good about visiting her when we were there and taking us to visit her as well. I remember them always being so kind to her.

At her funeral, the priest told a story about how she used to go to church at the nursing home and she would sit in the very back. He said as time went on, she would move closer and closer to the front until she was in the front row. When I got home that day, the Lord spoke to me very clearly. He said that she moved closer to the front because for the first time, she experienced true love, the love of her Heavenly Father. I was overcome with tears and yet joy for her. She experienced love and peace on earth, something she had never had before. Once she died, she was welcomed into heaven to spend eternity with the One who loved her most. She moved to the front because she responded to the nudge of the Holy Spirit to draw closer to God. She experienced freedom on earth from all the pain and suffering she had endured. This by far was the best funeral I had ever went to, because a true redemption story was told. A story of how God took a woman who had lost her worth and He gave her that worth back.

You see, there was a time in Aunt Frony’s life that someone either said she had no value, showed her she had no value, or both. At some point in her life, she placed her value in the one that hurt her and not the one who created her. At some point in her life, she believed a lie from the enemy that she wasn’t worth anything to anyone. I don’t know what happened to her, I don’t know who hurt her, but something hurt her so deeply that she had gone into a deep mental illness for most of her life. It’s a sad story I would like to know some day, but probably never will and that’s ok. What I do know is, God redeemed her. He took a beaten down woman and made her rise again and took her home to be with Him for eternity.

As I was thinking about Aunt Frony’s life today, I was thinking about all of us who at some point believed a lie that we have no worth. I have struggled with this my whole life. I have placed my worth in the ones that hurt me and not the one who created me. I put my value in what people who really didn’t love me thought of me and not what God the Father thought of me. My parents watched me suffer and go deeper and deeper into eating disorders and no matter how much worth I had to them, I couldn’t see past the value I had in the one who hurt me. I couldn’t see what the people who really loved me saw. I could only see this ugly fat girl in the mirror who was damaged goods. They watched me lose so much weight that I was almost nonexistent. I thought if I lost enough weight, I would disappear and so would the pain. I thought if I hurt myself enough, I could numb the pain I felt inside.

We are created in the image of God and when we lose sight of that, we believe a lie that we are worthless and unlovable. When we lose sight that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, then we will lose our identity in Christ. God created us and that alone gives us worth. God designed us the way He wanted us to be, and that alone gives us value and purpose. Stop finding your worth in the ones who hurt you and start finding your worth in God, the one who created you. It’s not easy to do this I know, but it is something we are to strive and pray for. I have to fight this battle each and every day. I became anorexic because I believed a lie that if I was prettier, then I would be loveable.

As I close this blog, I want to encourage you to spend time with God so you can see your worth is in Him. One day soon I will be posting a blog about my story on how God delivered me from years of eating disorders and how I constantly have to go to Him about this stronghold I have had most of my life. Thanks for reading my blog today and know that you have worth, your are beautiful and you are loved. God really does see you as amazing, and that’s the truth you need to believe. Thanks Aunt Frony for encouraging me to write this blog today. I wish I could have known you better.

Psalm 139:14 – I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.