The Narrow Roads

Proverbs 31:30 – Charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting: but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

It’s been awhile since I have wrote. I have had lots of ideas and as I sit, I find myself without words. I have spent the last three months processing the changes that have occurred in my life. Some good, and some not so good. Wondering on many days if I am stressed, sick, going through menopause, sad, or just tired. I have experienced God change my heart in many areas of my life. God has brought things to my attention that I need to deal with, and things to my attention that I need to walk away from. Most of the prayers I have prayed for myself, have been for discernment. I don’t want to miss what God wants to tech me. I also don’t want to fall for the schemes of the enemy. If you pray that prayer, be prepared for what God will show you.

In July I turned 50. There were a lot of mixed feelings about turning a half of a century old. Many people look back and realize they didn’t accomplish near what they dreamed they would. Some did what I did, look in the mirror and wonder where the years went? How did I get so many wrinkles? Where did those bags under my eyes come from? Did you know glasses are the best under eye concealer you can buy? Seriously I am not kidding on that one. I now look a little pale when I am not wearing my glasses. All kidding aside, I spent a lot of time the week of my birthday thinking about the next half of my life, and what am I going to do with the time God has given me?

I started out this blog post with Proverbs 31:30. I have studied Proverbs 31 many times. When I was younger, I always felt like I fell short, but at the age of 50, I know I fall short. I believe Proverbs 31 women do know they fall short. We all fall short!!!! I have been in bondage to perfectionism, thinking I had to do it all just right. A Proverbs 31 woman screws up, says the wrong thing, thinks the wrong thoughts, forgets, cries, gets depressed, yells at her kids, and just plain sins. What she also does is, repents right away because she knows right away she has screwed up. I am starting to see that Proverbs 31 isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being the woman God has called me to be.

A Proverbs 31 woman spends time with God, and because she does, she does experience convictions for her wrongdoings. She also has a kind heart, a loving spirit, a never quit attitude, and gives generously. She is weird, crazy, funny, serious, spontaneous, scheduled, introverted, extroverted, classy, and well not so classy too. She also knows when she needs to spend time alone, and take care of herself. She knows her limits, and respects herself enough to set boundaries. She doesn’t try to keep up with other women, and she doesn’t engage in situations that hurt others. When she does engage in such situations, she is quick to repent because she hears the voice of God. A Proverbs 31 woman also sees others through the eyes of God, and has love for them. She is a woman who shows grace, and mercy to others. Proverbs 31 women know they don’t have to be heard, because they speak with their actions more than their words.

This school year, we chose to put our oldest daughter Cheyenne into a new school, and one a few blocks from our house. It was time for me to not drive so much, and keep us off dangerous roads during the winter. Gas prices, and grocery prices all played a part in this decision as well. This was hard for me to admit we needed the change. I wanted to stay where we were, because it was comfortable. The old way was no longer feasible anymore, and a changed was needed. I walked through a mourning process after losing that part of my life, but it was necessary. One day I just let go and embraced where God had put me. I no longer wondered if I made the right decision, because I knew I had done the will of God. Once I embraced the new journey, and stopped fighting it, God did some amazing things. This change we took wasn’t without prayer though. I prayed for this transition to be smooth, and to be prepared for some rocky roads. God didn’t want me to take this change lightly in hopes that if it didn’t work out I could go back. God wanted me to completely sever ties, and move on. I am a stubborn being, and sometimes God has to hit me over the head with a spiritual sledgehammer to get me to move on.

When we embrace where God has us in this very moment, He can work on our hearts, and heal wounds we didn’t know we had. I didn’t expect God to put people in my path to take me by the arm and guide me step by step through this transition. I didn’t expect God to heal ideas I had about certain people. I didn’t expect to love people that I had been jealous of. I didn’t expect God to put Cheyenne in a sport that made me feel like I was part of. I especially didn’t expect God to completely sever ties with the old school, and embrace the new one.

There are still some very uncomfortable situations that my husband and I are walking through right now. I want to run, and I am scared. I don’t want to embrace this moment in our lives. I want to crawl in a hole and disappear. I want it all to go away! Psalm 27:8 says, My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, Lord I will seek. If I am seeking His face, and seeking His will, then why am I fearing so much? I fear because I don’t know what’s around the corner. I don’t want to make the wrong decision, and things to get worse. I don’t want to screw up again, and choose a path that isn’t of God. This isn’t what God wants me to feel. He wants me to walk by faith, and not by sight. His word says we are not to lean on our own understanding. I fear because I am basing my faith from my past mistakes, and I am not putting my faith in God to lead us. I know God has a plan, and I know all things happen in His timing. I only need to trust Him, and to live in the moment He has me in today. I don’t have to figure this out, because He already has it figured out.

I want to encourage you to embrace where you are at right now, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. Allow God to walk with you, and know you are not the only one walking in deep waters right now. I get it, I really do! I am in deep water as well, but I know God is working because of the many other things He has done just in the last couple of months. That builds my faith to keep walking, and to just embrace the journey. I also want to encourage you to pray for discernment. We are living in evil times right now. Don’t be swayed by the teachings of the world, but be taught by the word of God. His word is where we find truth. The gift of discernment will keep you on the narrow path to Him. I challenge you all to give yourself some grace today, and allow yourself room to not get it just right. God will meet you in the deep parts of your heart, heal your hurt, and make it just right. One last thing, you are who God says you are, and that is fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14

Thanks for reading my post today! Feel free to give me feedback! I love you all and be blessed my wonderful readers!!

Psalm 86:1 Teach me your ways O Lord, that I may live according to your truth: Grant me purity of heart, so that I may honor you.