The Narrow Roads

The last couple of weeks I have spent some time in the dentist chair. I first had to put two crowns on two teeth that had cracks in them and then go back to fix three more cracked teeth. One of the teeth that got crowned, has been a problematic tooth for over ten years. I have had three cavities filled in that one tooth. I have done extra cleaning on it, flossed it several times a day and yet, it would just continue to hurt even after getting cavities filled in it. After I got the crown, the dentist told me the root could be dead and if it was, I would know right away. Well, two days after getting the crown, I was in pain. I was scheduled to come back this last week and get the other teeth done, but I told them I wanted the one tooth that was hurting, pulled. I was done with fighting the tooth. She said they could fix it with a root canal and I said, pull it. I told her I was so done with this tooth. After the tooth came out, I had such an overwhelming peace sweep over me! It was gone! No more dealing with that tooth! After a day or so I felt the need to get an antibiotic because I felt the infection was still in my mouth, but that’s ok, the tooth was gone!

You are probably wondering after reading my rather dramatic version of my dentist appointment, what this has to do with your walk with God or anything to do with God. The story is a metaphor of what I want to share with you in this blog. This blog is about trauma we carry around in our lives. We all have trauma of some sort, and some have more than others. I have spent many years hiding my trauma and shoving it deep down in hopes I would never have to come face to face with it.

The tooth I was talking about is the trauma. We work really hard at hiding our trauma or covering it up. We sometimes find our worth in our trauma. We will bandage it up (like put a cavity filling in it), clean it up on the outside by putting on a smile and telling people we are ok. We tell people it’s all in the past and let things in the past stay in the past. We sometimes cope with the trauma with a substance or a behavior and for me it was eating disorders. I turned to food or away from food, depending on where I was in the eating disorder, to find comfort. The trauma though, never went away. It would follow me and come up at wrong times and so I would shove it back down.

Last week I realized that I have been treating my trauma like I treated my tooth. I have done everything I can to keep that tooth from dying, just like I have done everything I can to keep the trauma from dying. I haven’t even really wanted to let go of it. I somehow found comfort there, but I didn’t realize it until now. I didn’t realize that I had attached myself to it and not letting God have it. Trauma paralyzes you and there is no hope in holding on to trauma. I didn’t even realize I had trauma, because I was too busy trying to survive it. I had been believing a lie from the enemy that I had it under control and if I ignored it long enough, it would just go away. God has been in my face about some things this whole summer and since I started going to therapy again, I can’t ignore it anymore. I can’t wait until another day to face the things that I have allowed to hurt me for so long.

So, let me tell you what the Lord showed me. Like I said, the tooth is my trauma. Me telling the dentist that I am done with the tooth and to remove it, is me saying, I am done with you trauma. I am so over carrying you around. I am tired of nursing you along, only to have you cause me more pain. The peace I felt when the tooth was gone, is me giving my trauma to God. It’s me saying, “God, I am done with this, you can have it.” The antibiotic was to clean out the rest of the infection and that’s what God does. He cleans out the trauma, and all the yuck it left behind. Once the infection is gone, another tooth goes in there which the new tooth is God. God fills that hole where the trauma was, so you no longer need that trauma to survive. You will get to a place where you just need Him and that is enough for you. I am going to get to that place!

Living with that tooth got very expensive, just like trauma gets very expensive. What’s the cost? Your peace, your joy, your freedom and quite possibly your life. I want to encourage you to search your heart and face the trauma that is in there. It won’t go away overnight and giving it to God will take some time. My therapist has told me for 15 years these three words, recognize, remove and replace. Recognize you have trauma and what that trauma is. Remove the trauma by praying and asking God to help you. You cannot skip the last step, replace. You must replace it with God, because anything else is a bandage or bondage. Give yourself time and grace to deal with whatever God puts on your heart. Dealing with trauma will hurt and it will be a process, much like getting a tooth pulled. It won’t be overnight, and it will be uncomfortable, but it will be worth it. Also, remember, you don’t have to be sinless or without trauma to come to God, He wants you just the way you are. Coming to God doesn’t require any cleanup work, that’s God’s job.

Thanks once again for reading my blog, and I pray that whatever you are dealing with in your heart, you will allow God to work it out for you. He is the only one who can truly free you from the bondage of trauma. I know some of you are wondering what my trauma is, and one day, I will share that part of my story. Until then, God bless you all for spending some time with me!

Romans 5:8 God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.

God isn’t finish writing our stories:)