The Narrow Roads

Last week we had a big storm with a lot of wind, thunder and lightning. My youngest came into our room when the electricity went out, because she was scared. I took her downstairs, lit some candles and we sat in a chair while eating pretzel sticks. Yes, we were emotional eating and if there was a right time to do that, it was that night. We did say a prayer to protect our house, cars and town, as well as ourselves. My youngest is so much like me and she, like me, hates storms.

As I was sitting with my daughter that night, I remembered growing up how much I just hated being up in my room at night when it stormed. I was always so glad when mom would call us downstairs during a storm. I have many memories of my dad standing outside watching the storm come in and watching for a tornado. One night that sticks out the most, was during harvest. I was sitting by our window unit air conditioner while dad was at the door watching hail pound the pavement, knowing that the hail was pounding his wheat. I was crying quietly, because I knew our livelihood depended on that wheat harvest. I knew one bad storm could take out a whole wheat crop. I still hate storms to this day, and I still get scared of losing everything due to a tornado or a tree falling on our house. I am scared that one of my children will get stuck someplace and I can’t get to therm. I fear hail pounding away on our house and cars. It all just scares me and yes, I do pray and pray a lot during a storm.

The morning after the storm last week as I was getting ready for church, I thought about the storms of life. We have all had them and we have all made it through some awful storms that we thought would take us out for good. I have been through storms that I didn’t think I would survive. As many of you know, my family is in a storm right now. It’s uncomfortable and it can messy some days. Some days I want to scream and run away. Some days I embrace the day and have abundant joy in spite of what is going on. Some days are good and some days are awful. Some days I am the most faithful person and some days, my faith is in the toilet. Those are the days that the question, “Why?”, and the question, “Are you really there, God?”

There is a song that I love called, “Eye Of the Storm”. It says, “In the eye of the storm, You remain in control. In the middle of the war, You guard my soul. You alone are the anchor when my sails are torn. Your love surrounds me in the eye of the storm.” It is hard for me to remember when a storm hits my life, God is my anchor, He is my protector, and He is my strength. It’s hard for me to remember that what I am going through, did not catch God off guard, He knew it was coming. Nothing is bigger than God, but me in my tiny little mind put Him in a box. I think He should work things according to my will and purpose and not His will and purpose like He says in the bible.

My youngest and I are in therapy. This is her first time and well, I have been seeing my Christian therapist for 15 years off and on. Last week, we were driving there and I was thinking about what if we lose everything. What if I have to put my husband in a nursing home and we lose almost everything? Yes, we would probably have to file for bankruptcy, which sounds awful, but then again is it so bad? As I was thinking about it all, it’s like the Holy Spirit came over me and I thought, sometimes God will allow a storm to take everything so that we have nothing left, but our dependence on Him. Sometimes storms come in to clean out the yuck in our life, so we can live out the purpose God has for us. Is it really all bad when God takes away all our worldly possessions, to start over and build a new life again depending completely on Him and Him only?

The other night, I was struggling so much with fear that I felt like I was going to suffocate. I was overthinking everything and I was heading for a panic attack. So, I sat down and wrote down everything that I was fearing. I kept writing and writing until I couldn’t think of another fear. I then started to pray and read the book of Isaiah in the bible, because there are a lot of scriptures on fear in that book. After I did that, I took a lighter and burned the list and asked God to take them all and to help me not pick them up again. I prayed until I had peace and could breathe again. I had to burn up what was holding me back from fully trusting in God.

Storms don’t always comes to disrupt out lives, but to transform out lives. I know the road ahead of us will get harder, because of the two diseases my husband has. I also know that God has kept showing up over and over with each hurdle we have faced. I don’t know how I will swing a nursing home when the time comes. I don’t know how I will care for him when his brain stops telling him how to do things. I don’t know how I will handle him as his mind drifts farther and farther away. What I do know, I am not alone and neither are you.

I don’t know what storms any of you are facing, but I do know that we serve a mighty God. I know the enemy has you thinking this is your end game, but remember, the enemy isn’t as big as he wants you to think. The enemy is a voice that screams lies to you. God is a voice that encourages you and fights for you. God has promised us that He would never leave us nor forsake us. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, the storm can’t have you, the enemy can’t have you. We may not get what we pray for, and the end result may not be what we thought it would be. I wish I could tell you that if you pray for it, it will happen. Always remember, we may not get what we want, but we don’t see the plans God has for us. It’s hard to have faith in a storm, but it is possible.

Thank you once again for reading my blog. I appreciate your willingness to spend a little time with me. Never forgot who you belong to and who rides the storms of life with you. God desires to bless His children, so remember, with God, we can stand alone.

Mark 5:39-40 He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

Psalm 46:10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth